is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize