I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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