he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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