Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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