white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
