Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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