so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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