God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
