I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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