I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
