I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
