She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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