Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
