Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize