Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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