you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
