Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize