Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Found your dick twin last night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
