I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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