What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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