If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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