I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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