Sry I called you an 8
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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