She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
