Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You may now shotgun with the bride
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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