we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
