I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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