I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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