So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
