You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
