Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
