My balls are so social today.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
