K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
