Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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