We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Randomize
