apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize