Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
