went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize