Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
