Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
