we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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