he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
