birth control should be required to get into college
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize