Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
