then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
