I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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