when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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