Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
