plz talk dirty to me
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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