I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
