didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
