she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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