Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
