i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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