Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
