Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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