I just made out with a guy for $7.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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