So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
