i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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