ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
