Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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