I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
They have beer where we have blood.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
