I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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