after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He felt like a one man threesome
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
