Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Bring me that man meat
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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