Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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