i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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