Banned from zoo.
Again?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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