I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
