he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
