Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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