I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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