So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
