Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
