He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
