Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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