Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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