WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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