Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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