just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
