i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
