Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
