So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
