just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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