Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
