drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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