9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize