Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I would fuck him just for his dog
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
