Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
