how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
