Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
porn star boner night. come get it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
