I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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