My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
