Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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