She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
