Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
