guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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