Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
