i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
