im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
