i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
