4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
