doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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